Childhood Lost

Somewhere between childhood and adulthood we lose track of the things and people who make us who we are today.  The blood of childhood memories still runs in our veins but we forget to stay in touch with them.  We go on day after day thinking that the chains that hold us to those we love will remain forever intact no matter the distance.  We always feel that we will have more time and put off that phone call or to plan a visit.  We year after year add knots to the ties that bind. TODAY I LOST MY BROTHER.  Today I lost the one with whom I spent countless hours making bicycles and climbing trees and swimming with.  I lost the one who would defend me on the school bus, go ice skating with me, play baseball and go trick or treating with...so many memories....no chance to make more.  My heart aches not for him as he is now free of pain, free of illness, free of the bonds of this life.  My heart aches for those he has left behind.  Those who will have such a huge hole in their daily life in his absence. As I aged, we connected less and less and rarely, but tonight, I feel that a link is missing in a chain that leads back to the me I was before the world jaded me, the me I was before the little girl stopped playing.  I am sad tonight and ache for a connection that I should have held onto like the precious thing it was.  I am grieved by the regret of time squandered by taking for granted that there will always be more.  I am heartbroken that my life will never nor can ever be the same.  The chain has broken.  I feel like the circle will only widen. I cry for a little boy who I played with, yet as I remember, I can't help but smile.  RIP Steven, my Brother, you are in a better place now, please give Mom a hug for me.